


To See, Touch, Taste, Smell, Hear

by Wagnetic



Category: due South
Genre: DSSS Treat, F/M, M/M, Misspent Youth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 11:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3066311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wagnetic/pseuds/Wagnetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An account of Fraser's misspent youth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To See, Touch, Taste, Smell, Hear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ride_Forever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ride_Forever/gifts).



> From the prompts:  
> "To see, touch, taste, smell, hear but never know if it's real." - The Cure  
> “The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches.” - e.e. cummings

He found his first love in his third month at depot. It was the way Steve would groan into his ear, dragging out his name, _Bennntonnn_. Steve was smart and eager to learn, and Fraser admired him greatly. Still, he would look at him sleeping peacefully and feel nothing but companionable affection.

Next was Esther’s kindness. She was a year ahead of him and early on she made it clear that despite the demands of depot, both physical and mental, she would make time for those who doubted their abilities, had difficulty adjusting to the long days, or, like Fraser, simply missed their homes. Fraser quickly fell in love with her compassion and then with the taste of her, but nothing more.

He loved Teresa’s determination, Yvonne’s sweet, hot mouth, Michael’s insight, Billy’s challenging smirk, and Fraser was happy to touch and fuck, to suck and lick and kiss, and yet…

There were others, in depot and after. They provided him with company and release, and from time to time he even thought he was in love. In the end, he simply gave up. With every hoped-for love came the disappointment and the fallout that left him emptier than before. Surely he would be better off without it.

\- - - -

Ray didn’t ask about Fraser’s previous partners and Fraser wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want to know about them or because he simply didn’t want to pry. He only wanted to know that Fraser was clean, and even that was just a precaution. “I know you’d tell me if you weren’t, but you’re supposed to ask, you know?” And yet it felt like a lie not to tell him. No one knew him better than Ray, but Ray only knew the man Fraser was now, and not the boy his younger self had been.

It’s easy to tell Ray about Steve. Ray clasps a hand to his chest and cries, “You mean to tell me you had sex with a guy you didn’t plan to spend the rest of your life with when you were eighteen?” It’s harder when Fraser has to see Ray’s playful mood dissipate when he tells him how many others there were.

“Gees, Ben, you sure got around.” There’s no censure in his voice, just surprise and maybe a little sadness. An apology finds its way out of Fraser’s mouth, unsummoned, but Ray just squeezes his hand. “Hey, no. I didn’t mean it like that. Just—you were pretty lonely, huh?”

“I suppose I was.”

Ray manhandles Fraser until he can get his arms around him and they sit in silence for a while. Then Fraser tells Ray the rest of the story.

He tells him that he loves him. He loves the way Ray melts and whimpers when Fraser fucks him, utterly trusting, and the way Ray growls and pins Fraser against the wall to thrust against him until they both come. He tells Ray that he loves his strut and his vulnerability and the little snuffling noises he makes in his sleep. That Ray’s bravery and integrity astonish him. That when he lies next to Ray each night, his heart feels full.


End file.
